Episode 114: Touch Your Nose: Learning to Surrender

Is there anything, or anyONE, in your life that is making your life feel out of control? Are there worries keeping you up at night or stealing joy and happiness from the things you would like to be able to focus on or be more present with, but that worry in the back of your mind is just kind of always there, camped out, keeping you distracted or distraught? Today’s episode is just for you!

We are going to teach you some life-changing concepts and guiding principles that have helped both Neil in his addiction and me in my journey with codependency. We’re going to help you – or anyone else who has worries and stresses as we all do – to identify what’s ours to control and when to let go.

From that deep codependency that I lived in for so many years, I have hit rock bottom. And maybe that’s just what I needed so I could really feel that depth of despair and finally decide to not become a slave to my choices.

At the end of the day, the best way to live is to live in control of yourself, and not of other people. Do what you know is best and that will bring you happiness and joy.

In this episode, you will hear:

  • The Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
  • It all comes down to trusting God and accepting that there is a higher purpose, higher plan, and an eternal perspective with whatever it is that's happening around us.
  • There are all these different lies in addiction so the wisdom to know the difference, or to see the self-deception, to see the truth from error, or to see when you're lying to yourself is totally key and it takes time.
  • Having that connection with God through the Spirit can help you differentiate and have the wisdom to know the difference between truth and error – right and wrong.
  • The concept of touching your nose is to remind yourself that you are only in charge of yourself, and not of other people.
  • Worrying doesn’t help solve your problems. Whenever you attach to someone or something, you lose control. And you forfeit your ability to think, feel, act, and take care of yourself.
  • How Neil became codependent his own way and how it built a lot of frustration and resentment which led to him acting out more on his addiction
  • How my happiness was so tied up in Neil's happiness and how working my own 12-step program has helped me to surrender things out of my control
  • Surrender or detachment is not a one-time event. It's an everyday decision, an art, and a way of life.
  • “You need to detach most when it seems like the least likely or possible thing to do.” – the COVID situation is the best example of this.
  • The 12-step is a step-by-step program. Whatever step you're on, don't look beyond that step. And you have to be willing to do each step.
  • When we attempt to control people and things that we have no business controlling, we are controlled. Jesus is the perfect example of not trying to control others.


Supporting Resources:
Codependent No More” book by Melody Beattie
Addiction Recovery Program: A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing” (ARP manual)
Beware of Pride” Talk by Ezra Taft Benson

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Episode Credits
Produced by Emerald City Productions

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